


Queen of Gondor?

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 3rd Age - The Stewards, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2010-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:59:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3726244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young girl of a noble family of Gondor is kidnapped by Haradrim.  The reason?  To be given to a man claiming the Kingship of Gondor, as a candidate for his bride.</p><p>Written in the form of letters that can never be sent, to the brother she will never see again.  </p><p>(Written with in conjunction with <a href="/stories/chapter.cfm?stid=8552">Dearest Farielle</a>, letters written by her brother to her, also never to be mailed.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter One

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

Dear Lomin.

 

A girl has brought me some paper and a pen.  I do not expect you will ever read these, but I am writing them anyways.  In some way, it makes me feel you are near, even though you are not, and never will be again.  

 

I am in a tent here in Caldur - I think it is Caldur anyways - and all of our ships are gone.  Even if I could get past the guards, and somehow manage not to be seen, there is no longer anywhere to run to.  Everyone here has brown skin, and they all stare at me.  It makes my skin crawl, but I try to pretend I don't notice.  

 

I am sorry - I tried to kill myself, but I failed.  I do not know if I will get another chance, but I will do everything I am told and pretend that I am too cowed to try again, and maybe they will stop watching me.  I hoped no one would notice, so I lay on the cot all the time to make people think it was the same when I was there because I couldn't stand any longer.  And no one did notice at first.  But then a different guard came in.   I think he thought I was someone else, for he came right up to where I was, and I couldn't hide it, though I tried.  They forced me to drink, and now I am watched.  

 

I am so weak, Lomin.  I was almost glad he saw me - I have heard of men dying of sun-sickness, and it sounded such a painful way.  I was terribly afraid.  I didn't know it would be so hard either; I was so hot and thirsty, I wanted nothing more than to drink until I died of it, or drown myself in a pond like the one out behind our house.  Do you remember?  With the swans that nested in the reeds every year?  Sometimes I imagine I am sitting there again, with you, crouched in the mud trying to count the cygnets.  It was so quiet.  Everything here is noisy.  I think my head will explode.  

 

But I must try again.  A knife would be easier, if I can get one.  

 

I am to be taken to Umbar.  I tried to convince them that Father would pay any ransom they asked, but no one listened.  A man came to look at me, and he told them to take the chains off.  The woman said that she hadn't planned to until Umbar, which is how I know that is where I will be going.  I didn't know that any Haradrim could be kind, though I don't know if he said it to be kind.  He also told them not to rape me, for which I am thankful, though the reason... but I will tell you that later.  

But a young man here has been kind to me.  He said that he understood what it was like, that he had been a prisoner of Gondor, and he brought me some fruit and did not mock me when I wept.  I meant not to, I hadn't at all through all the rest of it, but I thought of Mother and Father and you, and I couldn't stop myself.  He says that the man I told you of will be fair to me, if I am to him.  And that there are other men much more to be feared.  He is right.  I have heard it myself.  This place is terrible, Lomin.  I don't think all of the people are.  But they truly do worship our long Enemy.  A man who I think is the husband of the woman who appears to be in charge here is worst of all.  His sister is the girl I told you of, who brought me this paper and a pen.  She is afraid of him, and I think that I am too.  He says that if the negotiations for me fall through, he will have me given to him, to give to the Eye.  And several other men have spoken of the same thing.  

 

There is a man here who was of Gondor once, but through some dark powers, was kept alive when he was almost dead, and now he is turned to them.  He is a slave here, and seems to want nothing more.  I can't understand how this can be, or how anyone could want to be here instead of home in Gondor.  What if it happens to me?  

 

Lomin, I don't know what to do.  The man I told you of, the one who said I shouldn't be chained, they call him the King.  But the line of Kings is broken.  They want me because I am a Girithlin, and he wants a Queen who is of Gondor.  I think of it, and of our heritage, and I know I cannot marry him.  I cannot.  Everything rebels against the thought, not least the knowledge that I would betray the honor of my house, and lose your love, if I did.  But he is the only one who can keep me safe.  Even the young man who has been kind to me, his name is Yildirim, won't help me.  He told me so.  And if this 'king' doesn't want to marry me, I don't know what will happen to me.  I don't want to be a sacrifice, either, to add strength to the Enemy.  But how can I marry him, and let my children grow up in this dreadful place?


	2. Letter Two

My dear brother,

 

He wears a veil all the time so that all you can see is his mouth and chin.  I wish I could see his eyes, to see if there is any kindness there, or any honor.  Yildirim says that Seaward Tower, who I am kept by, is different from Farside Tower, which is who he owes loyalty to.  So perhaps all Haradrim are not alike.  If I am to marry him, I hope he is kind, but even if he is not, he must be an honorable man.  Can one find honor in a place like this?  Perhaps I am a fool even for looking for it.  

 

But I think he is a bit of a fool, in a way.  Or perhaps 'fool' isn't the right word.  I don't know what is, though. When they took off my chains (I was so glad!  They were hooked to a stone so heavy that I could hardly shift it, and trying to walk made the shackle-part cut into the rope burns on my ankles.  So I moved as little as possible, but there are things you just have to get up and walk to.  I still spend most of my time sitting, but at least it doesn't hurt to move any more.), the woman - her name is Erufel, I hate hearing it, a woman like that with the name of the One! I will just call her Fel, here and you will know who I mean - told me that if I tried to run away, she would hunt me down and I would regret it; and also, the camp is filled with soldiers, all of whom have dark skin.  And he is sitting there, this man whom they call king, and he said afterwards, 'If you choose to stay, Lady Farielle, I can promise you the food will be good.'  

 

I am not sure what to think of that.  Does he really think I have any choice at all?  And to be talking of food at such a time!  Good food is the least of my concerns.  But he called me Lady, just as if he really thought I was.  I mean, I am, of course, but no one else here seems to care.  Though since they took me solely in the hope that I would be of noble blood, they must care somewhat.  But either they ignore me, or stare at me as if I am a slab of meat at the market, and talk about me as if I cannot hear.  

 

I think of what my fate might be if I were not of Girithlin, and shudder for that poor, imaginary girl.  I, at least, am afforded a small measure of protection by my blood.  If Mina had gone to wash the bandages instead of I... I don't even want to think about what might have become of her.  Somehow, I don't think they would simply have brought her back when they found out their mistake.  And then I shudder for myself.  I am very selfish, Lomin, for I wish that you were here at the same time I am glad that you are not. 

 

I hope you are alive.


	3. Letter Three

Dear Lominzil.

 

I wanted to write your full name.  Lominzil Girithlin.  It reminds me who you are, and thus, who I am.  Sometimes I feel in danger of forgetting.  I awoke in the night and thought I was home, and all this had been but a bad dream.  Then I heard the guards talking outside my door and I remembered.  I didn't cry, Lomin, but it was very close.  

 

I am guarded all the time.  There are two outside the door, and one of them comes in if anyone comes to see me.  Not that many people do.  I can go about the castle - the t0wer is what they call it, and that is more true.  It's not a proper castle. - but one of them follows me everywhere I go.  Sometimes, I get a little annoyed about it, but other times, I am most grateful that he is there. 

 

There is one man here who is a cousin of sorts to the lady who rules this tower. He frightens me, Lomin.  He looks at me as though I was undressed, and says the crudest things.  I went up to the library - there is a very large one here, I think it takes up two stories all on its own, and some of the books are even in common, so that I can read them - and he was there looking at something, and he started talking to me.  I didn't let him know how frightened I was, but I was very glad of my guard then!  He wanted to know if I would like to be sold to him!  No!  Never!  To someone who looks at me like that and calls me a bedwarmer and a slave and who thinks there is no wisdom to be found in books, but only at the point of a sword?  I will kill myself first.  

 

Then the lady Azradi came in.  I was glad to see her too.  She stood in front of me as if I was but a child, or a particular vase she didn't want a clumsy barbarian to knock over and break.  Oh, my blood boiled at that.  But at least it meant I didn't have to talk anymore, for he gave over insulting me and started in on her.  She seemed well-able to hold her end of the exchange.  

 

Oh, Lomin, I have told you this before, but every day, it is born in upon me again.  This is a dreadful place.  Lady Azradi spoke of killing that desert man just because he annoyed her - and she is one of those who has been kinder than not to me!  She sent me a box of paints and a canvas so that I will have something to do, and the girl who brought them - she can't be above 14 - told me very earnestly that she is learning who is wrong to talk to as fast as she can, because she will soon be married and she doesn't wish to go back to the desert away from her parents.  So do I wish not to be here in the desert away from our parents.  But listen, she said that if she speaks to the wrong person, someone who is an enemy of her father, she might be killed!  Or taken as a slave!  

 

How anyone can live like this, I do not understand.  


	4. Letter Four

Dear Lomin,

You will never guess what has happened.  I have a letter of yours!  No, truly!  I can hardly believe it even now!  I took it out to look at again, just now, to be sure I wasn't dreaming, but I didn't dare to take time to read it again.  People can come in at any time, and so I keep it hidden.  But listen, here is what happened.  Nisrin - have I told you of her?  I can't remember.  It is her brother who is married to the lady of this tower.  She is younger than I, and I think she is lonely.  I can't think of any other reason that she comes to talk to me, for she disapproves of me most vociferously.  I don't know how to fight and I didn't try to throttle her with my bare hands when she first came to look at me and we were alone, and I was so weak as to try to kill myself simply by stopping drinking.  According to her, I should have done it whilst rampaging through my captors, slaughtering as many as I could.

 

She must have been poking around in the ruins of the Keep and found this bit of paper - did you poke it into a crack in the wall when you were finished writing?  I am astonished that it didn't burn with - with everything else.  I can barely write this.  I have heard that the rumors are true, and even though it is one of these Southrons who tells me so, I can hardly think he would lie to me.  Perhaps he is though, but I did not think so.  He said that Lord Bragollach burned the keep and everyone in it - alive.  I have felt sick ever since I heard that.  The men talked, you know, in the healers' tent, but I thought it was only rumors and no one seemed to know for certain.  Or if they knew, they weren't speaking.  But that he could be so vile!  And he a Knight!  I will not speak of it more; I wake in the night, dreaming of those flames, and am sick again.

 

Nisrin brought me this piece of paper - your letter, dear Lomin! - wanting me to read it to her.  I do not know if she cannot read at all, or just that she cannot read the tengwar.  I thought it must be from one of our men, and how my hands trembled as I unfolded it and began to read.  

 

I will never forget the moment I saw Losse's name.  I think my heart stopped beating!  She has said I can keep it, and when I think that I dare trust I may be uninterrupted for a few moments, I take it out just to look at your hand again.  Will you never learn to write your 'r's properly?  I know it is silly of me, but it makes me feel not quite so alone.  

 

I have received two dresses from this man who claims to be King.  I won't wear them.  I won't.  He cannot bribe me into pretending that marriage with him is anything less than abhorrent to me.  They are beautiful though, all of silk and fitting me perfectly.  I cannot even try on my gowns without the guard in the room, and I am sure that he would have ogled me the entire time, if the old woman who brought them had not browbeat him until he turned his back.  I hate this place!  And oh, how I want to be home.  It makes me feel quite frantic sometimes, until I think I must scream or beat against the walls or - or something.  Maybe I will.  It might be rather satisfactory to scream and scream and scream and watch the guards stare at me.  But it wouldn't be very fitting for the daughter of Lord Caronn Girithlin to scream like a servant girl afraid of a mouse.   

 

I am always afraid now.  It is a hole in my stomach where a raven pecks and pecks and pecks.  


	5. Letter Five

I have not written of it before; I could not.  And even now, my pen starts to shake so that these runes are wobbly.  If you could read them, you would tease me unmercifully.  But now, I think, I want to tell you.  I don't want you blaming anyone, or yourself, for what has happened, for the fault was only mine.  Somehow, I think that if I write these words, you will hear them, perhaps in some dream.  And it eases my heart.  There is no one I can speak to, not of this.

 

I remember when you and your company left for Caldur.  I did not understand why, but it was not my place to speak.  We stood on the docks and watched the ships go, and then we waited for word.  There wasn't so much to do, really.  Not enough to keep me from fretting, which drove the girls who shared my room mad, or so they said.  I think it is just that they have no brother to love and who loves them, and were jealous.  But when the word came that you were trapped.. and then that a rescue was being made... well, you know I could not stay away.  

 

You know what it was like, then.  The heat and the sand and men groaning with pain, and dying.  So many died.  And blood everywhere.  It was nothing like I thought it would be - I didn't even get to see you - but I was content.  I was busy, doing something that mattered, something that might even help you.  For if I could do some small thing, that freed another for more urgent tasks.  I even helped wash bandages!

 

Which is what I was doing - that day.  I.. I find this harder than I thought.

 

I had gone down to the river; we went there every day, to bring water and to wash, and I thought it was safe.  Looking back, I know that I should have taken someone with me, but it seems a shame to ask anyone when it looked so peaceful.  And it was peaceful.  The sun dappled through the few trees there, and the water flowed past so quietly.  I could hear the ocean in the distance.  I was almost happy there, for a minute, washing those cloths and imagining how happy I should be to see you when you were freed.  

 

I forgot how swiftly night comes here.  

 

It was falling dark before I was done.  I hurried up the path towards the camp; I could see the lamps in the tents.  And then ... 

 

That was when they came.  I saw the shadows move, and I bit his hand and fought with everything I had but I could not get away.  I think there were three or maybe four.  I heard people shouting and coming, and I heard someone fighting not far away, but - but it wasn't enough.  

 

He said he would burn my face, Lomin, and he held a coal right up to my skin, and asked me who my family was.  I told him Father would pay him well if he took me back, but he only laughed at me.  But I didn't weep and I didn't beg.  


	6. Letter Six

My dear brother,

 

It has been a long time since I have written.  I am sorry.  I ran out of paper, and it was a while before I could get more.  

 

I didn't finish telling you what happened that dreadful night.  I think maybe now I am strong enough to finish.  The men who took me kept me tied up all night, and in the morning, they carried me through the city to a woman.  They held me up there - I couldn't stand, my feet were tied together - and bargained with her.  For me!  Apparently, she had promised them twice as much as usual for a slave if they brought her a girl with a high lineage.  That explains why he kept asking who my family was.  She must have believed me, for she made them untie me, and paid them.  But I belong to no one!  No matter who has paid what to whom!  That is when they put the shackles on my feet.  I have already told you this part.

 

I sit in the garden and watch the stars as often as I can.  No one seems to mind what I do or where I go, save that the guards are always following me.  Two of them all the time, unless I am in my room - then they stand outside the door.  Night is the only time it is cool enough to be comfortable, and I watch the sky and think about Mithrellis.  She must also have been lonely, lost without her people in a land of strangers.  Perhaps it was worse for her, for she was sundered even from her own kind, while I am only severed from my kinsmen and my country.  At least, these people are also men, as I am.  But in some ways, it must have been easier for her.  No matter how strange to be an elf alone among men, at least her husband loved her; or so we have always been taught.  And she was among men who honored and revered her.  

 

I do not think anyone here even likes me.  Sometimes the weight of all those scornful, hating eyes presses on me until I think I must shrivel up and blow away.  Perhaps Nisrin likes me a little, though I cannot tell.  Oh, and Amestris.  I have a funny story to tell you about her!   She is from the desert, and her father is looking for a husband for her.  We decided that it was most important that he be kind, but it would also be nice if he were handsome to look at.  And she wishes, secretly, that she might be the first wife.  

 

So she apparently thinks I am a poor helpless northern girl, with no idea how to please a husband, and that I need help.  Her help.  In order to please a Haradrim, you must kill a goat for him - while he is watching! - and then feed him the raw liver.  I am not certain if I was supposed to cut pieces off of it and feed it to him by hand, or just give him the thing and wait for him to eat it himself.  And then you invite him back to supper that evening, and you cook up the rest of the goat in the fanciest dishes that you know.  And when he comes, you dress up in your very best dress, and watch him eat.  Oh, and you must talk to him about your mother and your aunts and how many children they have and how healthy they are.  She kindly told me that I wouldn't need to show him how I could ride across the desert all day without complaining - that is probably the only part I could actually do!

 

 She had it all arranged, and came to tell me - and to apologize because she was going with her father on a trip, and would not be able to do it all right away!  I told her that was perfectly all right.  I will never marry That Man, not after how he insulted me!  Even at home, when Father chose a husband for me, it might not be someone whom I loved, or who loved me - but I know Father would never choose anyone who would not treat me with care and respect.

 

Your loving sister


	7. Letter Seven

Dear Lomin.

 

I have a pet now.  He was right, it does comfort me.  The one thing in all this place that neither mocks me, nor criticizes me, nor hates me.  I was frightened by it at first, it was so large, and it chased me around and pecked at me.  And I hated to even look at it because HE set it on me.  After he called me an object and a whore, and then claimed it was only a joke!  

 

Amestris came though, and she said it was beautiful.  She'd seen herons like this one at the river near her home.  She wasn't afraid of it at all, and said that it probably rushed at me because it needed fish, and all the servants were giving it was grain.  It ate a little grain from my hand.  So I took it to the market and bought it fish.  That was an adventure in itself.  Evidently, two guards weren't enough out in the city, for a full ten of them went, surrounding me everywhere I walked.  I'm not sure if they think I might run away and ten would be needed to chase me down, or if the people here hate me so that ten are barely enough to keep me yet among the living.  

 

It is beautiful, Lomin, now that I am not afraid anymore.  It doesn't chase me or peck me any more.  Amestris was right; it wanted fish.  It is a lovely shining black, like old Barahun, do you remember?  Only feathers shimmer sort of, even black ones; and that old horse's hair had glints of blue and green, no matter how we brushed it.  It follows me around - just like the guards, but much better company!  Tonight, I will go out to the gardens again.  I have found a small pond, and it likes to stand on one leg in the water.  I sit on a rock at the edge, and watch the stars.  It's not so good as petting Losse, or playing with her kittens, but better than nothing.  I haven't given it a name yet, though.  I am afraid to.  

 

I told the Lady here that I would never marry That Man, and told her again that Father would pay any ransom she would ask, if she but sent me home.  I told her of the things he said to me, and she said it sounded like he wouldn't want me after all, and that she might indeed ransom me if that was so.  I am so happy!  I will never leave Edhellond again!  But then she said she was sure it was some mistake, because it didn't sound like him at all.  I don't know what sounds like him or what doesn't, but I know what he said!  

 

She is going to ask him to come again, and she will go with me to talk to him.  Perhaps if I am very rude, he will decide I am not worth marrying, and then I will see you, and Mother and Father and Gwaith, and Eruiglas again!


End file.
